Ep. 41- Jeni G (aka Scabs) story
/Becky and Autumn sit down with Jeni G. to share her story. Jeni works as a therapist in Arizona. She is a single mother of two kids, ages 19 and 12. She loves paddleboarding and yoga is a vital part of who she is.
Jeni shares that her relationship with God growing up revolved around what she was supposed to do. She shares that she did not have the feeling of God in her home. Her relationship with God didn’t happen until post-discovery of her husband’s acting out. She says that her 12-step work helped her know God.
Jeni says that in 2010 her husband travelled back to the Philippines on a trip, where he had served a mission for their church. She felt that the likelihood of him cheating on her was “the same as him murdering her”. She didn’t believe it was possible. While he was on the trip, Jeni shares had a couple of dreams that he was being unfaithful to her and she says when she saw him at the airport, she knew her dreams were true.
Jeni shares that she was sitting on her doorstep looking despondent when a friend drove by and picked her up. That was when she shared with someone what was going on. She eventually learned the extent of her husband’s addiction and they started going to therapy.
“And you see your part, don’t you?”, asked the therapist.
Jeni says she tried to figure out what she did wrong and very quickly something inside her said
“No. This has nothing to do with me.”
Jeni says that she asked her husband to move out early on and decided to focus on her 12-step work and leaning into practicing yoga. They hunted for a good therapist but never found one. While doing her Step 4, she developed the concept of her blog, “Eat My Scabs”, after an interaction with her husband asking for forgiveness. She shares that hitting the publish button on her blog was pivotal to connect with a community, which was pivotal for her healing journey.
Jeni says that there was a big lack of resources for a long time. But she also feels that
The lack of resources back then could be a strength because you’re forced to tune into yourself.
Her pivotal moments in recovery, her most powerful moments, Jeni shares, happened on the yoga mat. She learned how to flow with the energy of recovery. She feels that no one knows you better than you. Whatever your belief or feeling is, lean into that. It’s a sifting.
You’re the one who gets to decide what’s best for you, so tune into you.
Jeni says to make sure to listen and “Fine tune that instrument our Father gave us: our body and our ability to choose”. The invitation there is to slow down. Give yourself time to wake up to the language of your body. She says you don’t have to do yoga. Do what’s right through you. Get present. Get mindful. Get clear about what’s happening inside of you. My body is doing what it’s supposed to do, protecting me and showing me and teaching me about what’s next.
Jeni shares that she learned that the entire time, we’ve had the power inside of us. She looks at it through the bathroom theory. When we’re face first on the bathroom floor. We get up and we realize there’s other people in the bathroom. And we walk around and are just hanging on in the bathroom. And suddenly we see a door and we realize there’s a hallway and light. Jeni says that when betrayal happens, you collapse, the inside of you becomes so small. But she saw that the expansion began to happen. Eventually she realized she had dreams and hopes. She told herself,
I have one life to live and I’m going to go live it
Jeni says that deciding to leave the marriage is the most impossible decision to make. She worked hard to fight for her marriage but had been in and out of it for a while. She decided to just give it her all and told her husband that she was fully committed to work on it. That summer they travelled and spent time together but she started feeling like she was being lied to again. Jeni shares that this was where all that body work came into play. She asked him what was going on. And then trickle disclosure began and it was a big bomb. She drew a line in the sand and she wanted to honor herself. “This is it. You’re moving out and I’m going to file,” she told him. Jeni shares that it was horrible. She felt like she was holding back the Hoover Dam and filing for divorce made the water rush around her and her kids. But Jeni knew didn’t need to protect them from him any more.
If it’s the right thing for you, divorce is amazing. That’s what woke me up and I started to come alive in ways I couldn’t have inside of this marriage. The brightness of leaving.
Jeni shares that for a few years post-divorce, her ex-husband spent in darkness. He was stuck in his own pattern in his own way. She says that for her, getting divorced was the best thing she could have done for herself. She shares that he’s a different man than he was ten years ago. He’s healed and found the light, too.
Jeni says that there is a peace she’s made with the Father.
The Father doesn’t want his daughters to go through this.
She says that sometimes she has issues with Him. “I don’t trust you, you bother me, why are you letting this happen?” But she'll always love God. There’s so much to wrestle with. It’s not tied up in a pretty bow. But she shares that she is being restored by The Father, who has been a light for her.
Jeni G’s Recovery Resources:
Sleep. NASA nap. 26 minute. My number one, most impactful resource.
Community
Yoga
12-Step
Jeni G’s Song:
“Sacred Om” by Dr. Michael Joseph Levry
The heart makes the sound of Om and it reminds Jeni of the Heartbeat of the Savior.
